KDC - About the website

ABOUT THE WEBSITE

The website for Border Collie Enterprises was originally launched 15 March, 2005 and was heavily rewritten beginning 6 August 2007. Its goal is to provide a central sort of "staging area" for the various and sundy (non-criminal! non-criminal!) activities of Alex Osaki (aka the President, Founder, and Sole Member of Border Collie Enterprises). In scope this ranges from hosting stories and pictures to functioning as the centre of an ongoing sociological experiment to facilitating the use of chatrooms.

It may have occured to you that you don't recognise either of the latter two as existing yet. This is because the site is in a state of flux as things get added to it. Alex is notoriously godawful at updating websites, so we're going to try and make the job a little bit easier for him. During the rebuilding process, the site is being rewritten to be as modular and updateable as possible.

As such, it also represents a reflection of my (let's drop the third-person silliness, shall we?) design philosophies. The entire site is written in HTML, modified solely by CSS and PHP (the rollover effects are done in CSS; the navigation bar is the result of a for() loop generating its individual elements). It's a learning process, so things might not always work right--if they don't, please give me a holler and we'll set things right.

This site is of course, then, my brainchild, and I am responsible for every single misspelling, coding error, horrible joke, and undeserved pretension lurking therein. There is--unfortunately--no-one else to blame. Actually, no, I realised I don't like that very much. Here, let me provide a convenient chart for you:

WHO CAN YOU BLAME?
I am a...	... so I can blame:

Liberal	George W. Bush
Conservative	Michael Moore
"Moderate"	The remaining .000000007% of Americans who don't describe themselves as "moderate"; being forced to take a stand on issues once in awhile
Republican congressman	Indictments; spineless Democrats
Democratic congressman	Loud, scary noises like doors and popping toast
American Southerner	"New England yuppies"
New England yuppie	Cold Starbucks; the Big Dig
Cat	Dogs
Dog	Vaccuum cleaners; rolled-up newspapers
PC owner, exclusively	'Consoles' as an amorphous and nebulous block
Nintendo Wii owner, exclusively	Sony; Microsoft (MICRO$OFT!!1)
Sony PS3 owner, exclusively	... I'm so sorry
Lover of the English language	Myspace.com
Fundamentalist Christian	Godless heathens
Godless heathen	Capricious spirits and demons
Honorable, decent human being	Adobe Flash
Person who believes people should know what they're talking about	Wikipedia
HEY!	Oops
You're not very nice, are you?	Nope.
Aaanyway... I am a:	Right. So you can blame:
Eskimo	Global warming
Intellectual	Rush Limbaugh and his fans
Rush Limbaugh or a fan thereof	Being reminded that although you don't believe in it, evolution has nonetheless passed you by; mirrors
Jilted lover unable to exact revenge	Mandatory waiting periods on firearms
RPG afficionado	Not being able to roll for a higher CHA stat in real life
Furry	Hunting season; canine distemper
Person suffering from unhappiness	No one. You got yourself into your own mess. Don't you think it's worth your time to change your mind?

There we go! That ought to have cleared things up! Everyone ought to be able to pick at least one of those elements and, thus, vent their frustrations at me through a convenient outlet that, even more conveniently, isn't me! Ha! If you feel left out--that is to say, if I haven't insulted you sufficiently yet--please feel free to contact me and tell me so!

--Alex O
Founder, Border Collie Enterprises